What is your Parenting Style?

24 Aug

If you haven’t taken our parenting quiz, back up! Print it out from the blog and circle the statements that reflect the way you might parent (or the way you were parented). Now it’s time to evaluate your style of parenting!

The following numbers represent the Authoritarian (or what I would call the tyrannical) style of parenting:

1, 2, 6, 8, 17, 18

Going from the Upper Left (Authoritarian) clockwise, the following numbers represent the Authoritative style:

4, 9, 11, 12, 15, 19, 20

Moving to the Lower Right, we have the Permissive style, evident in these statements:

3, 13, 16

Finally, moving to the Lower Left, we have the Neglectful style, represented by these numbers:

5, 7, 10, 14

You will note that the Authoritarian (think, tyrannical) style is high on discipline or guidance but low on support. This parent or supervisor barks commands, creates to-do lists (to which there are rarely an exception), and is not empathetic to persons in difficult or unusual situations. The Authoritarian parent does not gain the respect of his child(ren) because s/he cannot relate to them. With this top-down style of parenting, the child (or employee) is not respected for what s/he can offer the family or group, and feelings are an unknown entity!

The Permissive style is one that came into being in the last quarter of the 20th century and is still in vogue. In this style, parents treat their children, especially teens, as if they were friends. These parents are high in emotional support, but one wonders how much effort they are really willing to put into their parenting (or supervising). They don’t take time to set guidelines, to discuss the guidelines for behavior, and the consequences of not following the guidelines. Their children (or employees) founder, not knowing where they stand or what is expected of them. The permissive style really does not serve children well; in fact, it allows them to learn how to be manipulative AND fails to develop their potential by not demanding much if anything from them.

The Neglectful style of parenting is “the worst of the bunch.” We see and hear about so many deadbeat parents today: Those who are addicted to alcohol, drugs, sex, work and are not even aware of what their children are doing, whether in fact they are attending school or not. The Neglectful style of parenting demonstrates no emotional support and no guidance as to what is acceptable or what is not permitted. Neglectful parents are just “not there,” and their children are basically orphans.

The Authoritative style of parenting is the only one to strive for! This style combines High Support with High Guidance. These parents (or supervisors) are there emotionally for their children. They are aware when something is wrong and discretely ask the right questions at the right times to discover and then problem-solve the situation with their child(ren). They also hold regular Family Meetings at which they discuss how household tasks can be more efficiently accomplished AND how the family can plan for fun occasions like outings and vacations together. They discuss responsibilities and what they hope for/expect from their children at school.

So how did you answer the questions on this quiz? If you have questions on any of the four styles of parenting or on how to implement the dimensions of support and discipline, please contact us! Our website is http://www.softskillsfortoughissues.com. We’d love to hear from you!



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