I think it’s great if one of my grandchildren gets a goal in soccer! In every sport there is a mark to attain, whether it be in competition or to mentally note as one’s personal best Both objective and subjective goals are important indicators of
where we have been
where we currently are AND
where we want to go!
If we want to improve our lives, we may want to enlist a coach or counselor, and that’s where
“How to Get the Most from Counseling and Coaching”
comes in. Jean Eva’s book begins Chapter Two with “Goals Based on Relationship Issues.” What do you suppose is the main issue couples come to counseling? You guessed right: communication issues. These issues run the gamut from physical hearing problems all the way to complex communication about how and why a partner feels hurt. And these hurts can be compounded when replies are curt or sarcastic. What is often not realized is how the partner’s past experiences influence current feelings and behavior.
That is why couples counseling is not so simple and why it does involve unraveling the past — childhood memories and the aftermath of previous significant relationships. However, when couples can learn to actively listen to each other, they will each feel heard and understood. This alone is like a balm to soothe away the roughness of past hurts.
In choosing a couples counselor you will want to look for the following skills in your counselor:
1. impartiality; will hear and NOT judge each one of you
2. a teacher of communication skills — verbal and nonverbal
3. ability to help each of you to express emotions
4. ability to help you reflect back your partner’s emotions
5. takes time to get to know each of you individually
6. knows about personality type and can assess each of you through the MBTI
7. someone who can work with you individually AND in a relationship
Next article will look at some of the issues couples commonly face!